29 June 2001 (How I met my wife)

On Friday evenings, we would usually go across to the Portobello pub to drink death-defying amounts of alcohol. However, one of our most popular colleagues, Kunak, was leaving, so, it being a special occasion, we went across to the Portobello pub to drink death-defying amounts of alcohol.

It had been a hot, summer day, hot enough that local kids had been diving into the cool water at the canal lock, while skiving office workers sunned themselves on the lush green banks.

The first pint tasted divine. There were about twenty of us sitting in the snug. The talk and the laughs came easily, as usual. I remember we got into a good game of Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon. (This is a game where you must connect actors to Kevin Bacon in the smallest number of movies; what is referred to as their ‘Bacon Number.’ Kate Winslet, for instance, has a Bacon number of two, since she has been in The Life of David Gayle with Laura Linney who was in Mystic River with Kevin Bacon. Laura Linney, therefore, has a Bacon Number of one. Kevin Bacon has a Bacon Number of zero, because he’s Kevin Bacon, and you can’t get any more Kevin Bacon than that.) Continue reading

Corn Flakes for Dinner

Introduction 

By July 2015, our bedroom is so bedoodled it looks like Banksy has had a stroke in there, except the artist in question is actually our seven-year-old daughter, Sophie.

She prefers to work with non-traditional materials, and she has a penchant for the permanent. Her 2014, ‘Handprints with Baby Oil on The Wall,’ is a fine example. Michelangelo has nothing on her extensive 2012 ceiling masterpiece, ‘The Resilience of Ribena,’ and there is great promise in her early red nail varnish floor work, ‘This Cream Carpet Was a Massive Mistake, You Eejits.’

Like a true artiste, she doesn’t say much; she lets her art speak for itself. ‘What do you think she’s trying to tell us, Martha?’ I asked my wife, one night. ‘I think what she’s saying is that she really likes to fuck shit up, Aidan,’ said Martha, quite astutely. Continue reading