1/ Dads, when you’re looking after your own kids it’s not called “babysitting.”

2/ Once she is over three she is not a “baby,” once she is over eighteen she is not a “girl,” and she was never, ever a “chick” – that’s not respect, that’s just basic biology.

3/ However, nobody puts baby in the corner.

4/ Never ask a childless woman in a relationship, “Will we hear the pitter patter of little feet soon?” Some women can’t have children. And some women don’t want to have children, on the sound basis that children don’t pitter or patter: they piss and poo all over your peace of mind. 

5/ Don’t say that a woman who is single has been “left on the shelf.” Instead, go on Twitter and have a look at the abuse the average female celebrity gets from male trolls. A single woman has to navigate that forest of dicks looking for her unicorn, and those charmers are a lot less overt about their lack of basic human decency in the wild.

6/ Women are funny. Lads, you’d find it a lot harder to get on in comedy if you had to climb a ladder where some rungs are just dicks trying to ride you.

7/ If men had babies, sanitary products would not be taxed, and there’d be more abortion clinics than pubs.

8/ We should not look to any religious organisation who will not let women into middle management for moral advice. (See also: failure to get the basic moral questions of masturbation, contraception, divorce, homosexuality and gay marriage right.)

9/ They’re a lesbian couple. Neither one of them is the dude. Grow up.

10/ Remind yourself as you look at the news over the next few years, if it were just American women voting, there’d be no President Trump.

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