Now that our eldest daughter is quickly becoming a teenager, I asked my wife what is the most important piece of advice we could give her to help her to have a happy life. My wife thought about it for a long time, and then she said, “I have three…”

  1. “Passion is wonderful, but it will fade. Find someone who you can read, cry and (above all) laugh with in bed.”
  2. “When the situation calls for it, learn to say “fuck off,” loudly, and mean it.”
  3. “And finally, I would defer to the wonderful words of Shakespeare: “This above all – to thine own self be true. And it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.””

“Wow, those are excellent,” I said. “Why? What were you thinking?” she asked. “I just have one,” I said…

“Always wash your face before you wash your arse.”

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